Sunday, August 21, 2005
Got back my test papers. And felt like quitting school all over again. But I could always count on Trase to talk cock and make my day. He was telling me all this shit about life being filled with detours and I have to make some sacrifices or something like that.
But whatever he said is actually quite true.
Important announcement!
I am closing down this blog. Yes, sad but true.
However, this does not mean that I will stop blogging, for a brand new blog is in the pipelines. Watch this space. As in, not literally because it's closing down, but you know?
funkadelic @ 2:10 AM
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Sunday, August 14, 2005
Mum: When are you coming home?
Me: Soon.
Mum: Where are you now?
Me: On the way back.
Mum: Nak potong cake adik lah. [ translation: Want to cut little brother's cake lah. ]
Me: Oh! Okay. Tadi buat sets kejap lah. [ translation: We did sets for a bit just now lah. ]
Mum: Hah? Aper? Buat sex? [ translation: What? Have sex? ]
Me: MA?? WHAT???
Mum: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Me: Tak senonoh lah mak aku ni. [ My mother is so sick. ]
The entire exchange above is pure non-fiction. I swear.
My mother ah. Tsk tsk. Seriously. And she laughed! No wait she didn't. She CACKLED.
You know my vow about eating minimal? Well, I'm going to take it to the extremes and FAST tomorrow. Actually, for the whole of next week. If I don't lose at least 3 kg, I will turn anorexic.
If I don't die from hunger before that lah.
I have no idea how I'm going to survive because I get SO hungry in school. I get so hungry I could eat a whole elephant. But to eat an elephant is to be an elephant. Therefore I shall... fuck the elephant. As in, not literally fuck the thing, but as in I ain't going to touch food.
You sick people, think of sex only ah?
But I don't blame you, especially when sex appears on the news like, everyday? This morning alone, there were three headlines with the word Sex on ONE page in The New Paper.
I think The New Paper is kind of trashy. It IS a tabloid after all, grammatical errors notwithstanding.
OH OH OH BEP concert on 20th September!!!
Who cares if Fergie can't sing live for nuts?
Don't take the mickey out of BEP fans' excitement because WE DON'T CARE even if you say it with your best milk-curdling sneer. HUH. It's on a Tuesday night. Last year's concert was also on a Tuesday night. Hmm. Feng shui maybe?
But I thought Fergie sounded fine. During the last concert. Hmmm.
Nothing much to blog about actually.
funkadelic @ 5:07 AM
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Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Monday was such a waste of time. Had no idea why I bothered to come for the pathetic excuse of a National Day celebration the school had. We were eons behind schedule. First they insisted on squeezing all of us in the canteen cum hall cum half of temp block, and then when the rain stopped, they wasted more time shifting us to the assembly area.What do time management and colour coordination have in common?They're both what Anderson DOES NOT have.They expect us to wear red UNDER our pinafores? Go to hell. There's not enough Art teachers around. And that new logo thinger that they "spectacularly" unveiled? Aesthetically-handicapped I say. Much like this year's National Day song. Bland and uninspired.I don't even know where that badge went.And we had CIP after that. Wow how wonderful! Collecting newspapers and other junk from creepy ulu blocks is just how I love to spend the eve of the nation's birthday.Tuesday was definitely much more fun. Except that it was spoiled by a few Banglas!!! Okay, that one later.Met Han at Sembawang, with her sister. I didn't know she had an elder sister. So I was like, Eh? Why her sister so damn tall? There was this guy sitting next to me, and Han thought it was Sharudin. Haha! NO I don't even know him. But then again he did look like him, sort of.So we went to city hall and there was this SHITLOAD of people, all wearing red and such. I was thinking, Please don't go esplanade. Please? Like my father owns the Esplanade like that lah, but you know?Imagine my happiness when most of them went in the direction of suntec city. BUT that happiness was short-lived! The rooftop was closed! Goddamnit I felt like taking a bucket and shitting in it out of disappointment.
Me and Han were really dumb. There was this sign that said Level 3 Closed, and we thought, Hey they didn't say level 4 is closed, so we took the lift. We went in and pressed the button for level 4, which simply refused to light up. We kept pressing it, but it didn't light up and the doors were closing so we panicked and went out of the lift.
We refused to give up because we were being the stubborn goats that we are. So we went back in again, and didn't exit out of panic when the doors closed and the buttons refused to light up. The lift went up! But the doors didn't freaking open! Scary bodoh!
I was like, Oh fuck. I started pressing the level 2 button frantically and thank God, the lift went back down.
We went to sit at the bay, on some steps.
Why, oh why, are there so many foreigners hanging around there? Not the rich ass Caucasian expats, but the foreign workers, as in Thais and Banglas. There are so freaking many of them lah! What the hell!
It totally spoiled the mood for me because there was this group of idiotic MORONS who have no idea what the meaning of 'personal space' is. This group of Banglas suddenly decided to stand really close to us nearing the fireworks.
They SUCK dick, cunt, lollipop.
So irritating! And the smell! Gosh, I mean, nothing against Banglas in general because I'm sure there are a select few who have a sense of sanity in them, but this group of them I really felt like smacking. The frontmost two were stepping on my KitKat bag!
FUCK YOU go fuck yourselves and however many Indonesian maids STOP contaminating the Esplanade with your foul existence if I ever see you again I will rip your balls off lah kanina beh chee...ken macnugget filet-o-fish macspicy double.
And they kept staring at me and Shikin, and screaming whenever we let out whoops of excitement. Eh, seriously ah. Shaddafuckup can? You think you so funny is it? EH HELLO EXCUSE ME I THINK SEEING A GOAT HUMP THE MERLION WILL BE FUNNIER THAN YOU YOU PATHETIC SORRY EXCUSE OF A HOMO SAPIEN.
Enough of them. The fireworks were.. WOW. Front, left, right. And during the last burst there were actually lighted splints falling from the sky and onto the crowd below, into my hair! What the shit? The man next to me was like, EH macam air ludah tempias gitu.
AHAHAHAHA except that spit cannot burn you unless it comes from... Potassium Hydroxide! Acid mah. Ooh, I will stand further away from her whenever she speaks. No wonder her face like that, corroded already. HAHA!
Yummy eye candy everywhere! Saw this really hot neighbour of mine he is so HOT I thank God he lives in my vicinity. He really is damn hot. There were so many hot guys everysinglewhere!
Sorry bimbotic moment for a while there.
Reached home at around midnight? I like my neighbourhood at midnight. Very serene.
Was talking about parents after school with Siti, Husna, Ain and Maryam, and I realised that I am damnedly lucky.
My parents don't expect me to go JC after my O's. My mum rarely nags at me. My dad lets me go out. I don't live with a militant pair of parents controlling my every move.My mum doesn't talk shit. Neither does my dad, during the rare times that he does talk to me.
My parents support my passion for art. They understand that I have no interest in Maths and Science whatsoever. They, however, gently remind me that I have to scrape pass my O's to get anywhere in the world.
And I accept that, but not without struggle of course, because they don't drill it into my head and push it into my face with a DO THIS OR ELSE manner.
Well, they used to, and I made it clear that I wasn't going to take any of that shit from them. I am going to pursue art and there ain't nobody who's going to stop me.
Maybe it helped that I had an aim in life, and I was ready to commit to it.
But looking at others, they don't have the same luck as me. And here I am rubbing it in their faces. They're probably thinking FUCK YOU SLIK.
So I won't talk about this anymore.
I WILL LOSE WEIGHT I WILL LOSE WEIGHT I WILL LOSE WEIGHT.
I feel damn fat can. Had height and weight taking during PE just now and I am so goddamned blubbery fatness.
I feel like a whale. You think I am free from physical insecurities? HAH I AM JUST LIKE ANY OTHER INSECURE GIRL WHO THINKS SHE IS FAT. So much for being an advocate of self-liberation.
I feel trapped in my own fat. That is why I will eat minimal. EAT MINIMAL EAT MINIMAL EAT MINIMAL. If I could I would bring an apple everyday to school and survive on just that. Or cabbage soup, or equally boring and disgustingly bland things that people eat to lose weight.
And DONT SAY IM NOT FAT because I am. Sob.
Being surrounded by skinny people does not help. EH actually it does lah. Spurs me on. Okay people stay skinny.
Speaking of Anderson not having colour coordination, I was right. Because the exterior of the new hall is looking less than appeasing, which is in other words, FUGLY.
Bright orange and green? On clothes, yes but on a school building? A big fat fucking no.
Or maybe it's too early to say. We shall wait and see.
funkadelic @ 2:32 AM
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Sunday, August 07, 2005
Had Flag Day on Saturday. Along with a couple of other schools, including a minah-infested one. Most of them in tight jeans and studded belts. Oh and don't forget the small, obviously fake, Gucci slingbag thingers. Last but not least, makeup which masks their whole face like concrete.
Got freaked out in the train by this super scary girl. She got in at yishun and stood near the door. She was holding this live wasp in her hands and stroking it. Then she took out a pen from her bag and started poking it. Whatever did the poor thing do to her?
So sadistic lah. Siao.
Reported at Plaza SG at 8.30 with Siti, Naf and Syaf. Got our collection bags which were red and blue in colour. So fugly. And the hole into which you put the money in is so small. We were collecting for Singapore Cancer Society. Or something like that.
Went to Orchard Road at first. Typical place to ask donations, I know, but we tried our luck anyway. I don't know why people go there to ask for donations, but the people there are snobs with a capital S and miserly with a capital M. Most of them anyway.
I managed to get a 2 dollar note on my second try. And another. Just my luck. Flag Day is hard work. I was sweating so damned profusely, and it wasn't even an hour into the thing. One lesson learnt: Never go to Orchard Road for Flag Day.
So where did we go?
Geylang!
Thanks to this wonderful brainwave from Siti and Naf, we all dragged our sorry asses down to Geylang. And people actually do donate there. In fact, we got far more rejections in Orchard. The ratio of rejection was probably around 5:1 or something.
All the sweet makciks who donated were not even dripping rich or whatever, but they still donated and didn't ask so many questions. I like.
There were three or four who asked me, " NKF ah? "
Hmm. I said No. And they still didn't donate. Ask so much for what? Donate lah! Eeyer. Don't want to donate, shaddup lah.
There were some who were so, impolite. The worse ones are the ones who totally ignore you. Excuse me, stupid ah? I expect a bloody response, at least a No, or a shake of the head, or something which acknowlegdes my presence!
Simply no manners.
But there was this really cute family from HK.
Me: Hi! Would you like to donate? [smiles sweetly. or tries to.]
Father: Oh yah sure, but we want you to help us with something.
Me: Uh.. What?
Father: We want to take a photo.
Me: [assuming that they want me to help them take a photo of themselves] Oh okay sure!
Father: But we want you to be in the picture.
Me: HAH?? For what??
But I obliged. After all, it's not everyday that you take a group photo with a group of strangers from HK. But it's funny all the same.
The guy even asked me for my email address so he could give me the photo. Haha.
I was like Ummmm never mind it's okay.
If only it was an ang moh family, with like super hot sons. I'd take them on a free guided tour around Geylang.
Had blisters on my feet, they hurt so bad rawwr.
Bumped into Tech from STG! How unexpected. I wonder what he was doing there. Hmmm. Ahaha! Jangan fikir bukan-bukan ya!
Went back to PS, Tired Hungry Thirsty Legs Aching.
But still had the energy to go off to Orchard with Siti to meet Nas and Husna. Went to lovely lovely ArtFriend. I swear I could LIVE in AF, it rocks my underwear!
I am so going to get burnt out by the end of this week. Common tests, then Flag Day, then Istana Art Competition, then collect newspaper, then watch fireworks, then more tests.
I will survive!
And I will blog another time because I want to finish my Noise SG graff comp piece.
funkadelic @ 11:45 PM
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Friday, August 05, 2005
I am feeling very tired now. Had drama just now, which I will not elaborate on.
Actually I've been feeling tired since after the e math paper, which was yesterday right? Yeah. I just felt so tired I just kept really quiet. And Siti thought I was upset because of the paper.
Well, the paper can go fuck itself.
I just felt really fatigued, both mentally and physically.
And I was wondering why. Never really felt like that before, ever. I actually felt like crying, but I managed to control myself by telling myself that there was absolutely no reason to cry.
I didn't want to cry and have people think that I worry myself too much over MERE tests. I didn't want to cry and have people think that I get stressed too easily. I didn't want to cry over school.
I really think that school is getting to me.
During the chem test after that, I was actually staring out of the window, wondering why I subject myself to this sort of situation. And I felt like crying again. But if I cried I would smudge my eyeliner, I thought. Bimbotic, I know, but it helps.
Not taking myself seriously actually keeps me sane. Not taking things seriously sometimes, also helps maintain my sanity. But being a student in SG, I am forced to take myself, and things, very seriously indeed. Ah. Feeling rather melodramatic, so please bear with me.
Problems, problems.
The innocent can never last. Wake me up when the school term ends.
Even though I feel more alive than ever, the source of this energy I know not. It's like an artificial life, I feel very hollow. Hollow, with water flowing through it. Like I'm a turbine, spinning to carry out my daily life.
My only refuge is, yes, art.
Actually that's not even true. I just said that because, I want it to be true.
I can't even FEEL my direction in art anymore. I just feel so tired.
Oh man, do I sound suicidal or what? But when art proves to do nothing for me, that will be as good as suicide. No it's not suicide it's damned murder. Students don't commit suicide, they get murdered slowly from the inside, and they're just finishing the deed by extinguishing whatever life they have left.
Suicide doesn't exist.
I don't want to sound like a soppy romantic sucker, but maybe I am, because the only times I feel truly happy are when I'm with my significant other.
I'm really sorry to say this, but I don't feel that much attached to my friends. Yes, we may be close and we may share personal problems and such, and talk shit all the time, but truth is, I just don't feel that very much attached. That's all. That's why, if you noticed, I don't use the terms "best friend" or "sister" or whatever.
I hope this doesn't change anything because it's not my intention. I just needed to get it out. I'm really truly very honoured if you consider me as a close or best friend, or friend at all, and PLEASE PLEASE for crying out loud, don't let this change anything.
Hopefully now you know why sometimes I get very distant, or distracted. But of course I won't compromise on our friendship. Rest assured I'll be here for each and every one of you whenever you need me.
Anyway.
I am feeling very jiwang right now. SO bear with me.
This doesn't happen often by the way.
Sometimes, when I feel really stressed, or tired, or whtever negative emotions I feel, I just want to see him. Or talk to him. Or at least make some form of contact with him.
Somehow I can't see myself with anyone else. Maybe it's because I'm too familiar with him, but for now, I don't want anyone else. Not even Brad Pitt. Not for the fact that I can't get Brad Pitt even if I wanted to but you know what I'm talking about right.....
I know he's a Bangla and all, but nobody's perfect. As long as the feeling's mutual. I don't want to talk about the issue of puppy love. I know this doesn't feel like puppy love. Puppy love is peanuts.
And it's not lust either. He just makes me feel happy.
I know most of the time people roll their eyes when I say I want to meet him for a while, or go, "menggatal eh..."
But yeah, you can't do nothing! Nyeh nyeh!
Haha, sorry. Kidding kidding.
Love him to bits.
Okay enough blogging already. Flag day tomorrow.
funkadelic @ 5:08 AM
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Wednesday, August 03, 2005
There's E Math and Chem test tomorrow and here I am blogging. I need help! Please! Somebody, anybody! Variations! I don't know a single shit!
Hey Maths is pissing me off real badly. I have people, namely Siti and Sarah [oooh, Siti Sarah! K nvm ignore me] telling me that HeyMaths is fun and it helps, so I went there BUT THE BLOODY LESSONS WON'T COME OUT so I was like ah fuck it.
I am thoroughly disturbed by someone. He is such a over-sexed pervertic son-of-a-bitch! Who does the motherfucker think he is? Brad Pitt? But then again I would be turned off by Brad Pitt if he gives me his vital statistics when he's at attention, or describe his state of undress while smsing me.
EEEE!
Traumatising!
Does he really think he's hot? I mean, seriously. Is he that deluded? Does he not know that the mere sight of him is enough to make my skin crawl?
HE IS SO FISGUSTING!
Oh my gosh I just love Chris Rock! Sorry I digress. Watching Beverly Hills Ninja on HBO now and Chris Rock is so funneh.
Anyway, back to the very grave issue on hand.
AHAHAHAHA!!!! Richard is so hilarious!!! What sticky hands lah, talk cock lah you!! I told him about the pervert by the way. So funny!
I am laughing my ass out right now.
Thank you for turning the grave issue into one heck of a joke.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg sLik, stop!!!
I can't blog anymore, laughing too much.
funkadelic @ 4:45 AM
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Tuesday, August 02, 2005
I hate Napfa. It made me cry okay!
Worst thing I've ever pushed myself physically for. Everything was going fine during the first and second round, then that dull throbbing ache started in the left of my stomach.
Fuck that stitch lah eat shit and die goddamnit!
The dull throbbing ache turned into a sharp knife-like existence piercing the side of my stomach. Pain like what man! Seriously. I was crying by the last round because I desperately wanted to pass. I love my towel alot. If not for it, I wouldn't have passed.
I just told myself to squeeze the towel. Or wrap it around my eyes. Or something like that. If only I could have run barefoot or listened to music, maybe I wouldn't have cried.
Eh whatever lah! Cannot be bothered anymore.
When I graduate, I'll stay far away from Napfa. Far, far away.
Julian Hee very cute ah?
Watching Heartlanders. First time I've stayed outside of my room on weekdays. They filmed in AMK Central. So budget. Today's episode about Chinese gangsters. Pai kia, samsengs, whatever you call them. I call them idiots. Not just Chinese ones, but all of them. Regardless of race.
Wasting their lives away in that self-absorbed mentality of theirs. They think they rule the world, they think everyone's scared of them. Please lah! Mindless violence, bloated egos, zero intellect. I am amazed by them. But not in a good way of course.
Don't they realise how short life is? Much much too short to adapt that kind of hardcore lifestyle. The reality is very sad. Seriously. Think about it! So the saying, " Youth is wasted on the young " is quite true in this case. They will all live to regret it one day, but they still continue. As if awareness has not been raised among the public, assumingly them as well, already.
Sobering indeed. And I'm not being sarcastic.
I feel so... So... Duno. I don't even know if it's a good thing or not.
Oh my gosh I want to watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory! Loved the book so much. It's coming out this Thursday!!!!
But I'm broke. Maybe I can go with my bangla. [ BIG HINT ]
LOL kidding kidding darling. He reads my blog. I didn't know that.
Oooh, smoking is banned in coffee shops and restaurants or something right? How good is that? Soon it'll be banned in clubs too. Yeay! As if I can go into clubs now but that's not the point see.
Don't you think old people are just so cute? Especially our own grandparents. They can be so farnee sometimes. Really.
My grandfather was accused of rape by an Indon maid, years ago when he was working as a security guard. Yes, my sweet old grandfather, got a letter written to him from this bitch of a maid saying that if he does not want the whole world to know that he allegedly raped her, he has to pay her a few thousand dollars or something.
Blackmail konon.
Eh puki dier ah blackmail!!!!! Stupid bitch. She's in Indonesia now. If she's in Singapore I will track her down and slap her eyeballs out. Seriously ah. Nothing else to do is it? Work lah! OT or something.
But it's kind of hilarious too actually.
Imagine your grandfather being accused of such a thing. Your grandfather who gave you money whenever he visited. Even if it was only two dollars, somehow I felt blessed when he gives me money.
Your grandfather who forgets where he puts his glasses and goes searching the whole house for them, and in the end, they're hanging on his neck. Your grandfather who pulls out all sorts of medicated oil from the depths of his closet when you complain of a stomachache.
Your grandfather who goes for a morning walk everyday, and steps on those stone reflexology things. Your grandfather who smiles at you with those gaps in his teeth. Your grandfather who laughs literally like this, " Hur hur hur. " Your grandfather who never remarried, even after his wife died all of a sudden.
Your grandfather who chose to live life peacefully, looking after his grandson, sending him to school everyday, playing in the playground with him during the weekends, and spoils him silly with sweets and toys.
Well, that's how I remember mine anyway.
I remember how my mum used to drop me off at my grandparents' house every weekend and my grandmother would cook crab for us. I remember one time there was a blackout and I was so scared I screamed and grabbed my grandmother. She simply stroked my head and said some prayers and I didn't feel scared anymore. My grandfather laughed and lit some candles.
That was the most vivid memory I had of my grandparents together.
Then my grandmother died.
I'm going to cry like mad if and when my grandfather passes away.
funkadelic @ 5:06 AM
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